Motherhood and Career 👀 Witnessing from the Sidelines 👀"

I am not a mother. I say this upfront, with the clarity of someone who recognizes that there are experiences that can only be understood by living them. However, my closest circles are filled with extraordinary women who have decided to embark on that journey. As a very privileged observer, I have witnessed their joys, their silent struggles, their sleepless nights, and those small moments of triumph that are rarely publicly celebrated.

I've recently discovered that perhaps my purpose in these circles is precisely this: to be a safe space, a constant reminder for these women of who they were before becoming mothers, of who they are beyond motherhood. A mirror that returns to them a complete image, not fragmented by the demands of child-rearing.

There's a phrase by comedian Ali Wong that resonates with an uncomfortable truth:

"It takes so little to be considered a great dad, and it also takes so little to be considered a shitty mom."

This imbalance is neither casual nor innocent, though she tells it with a certain irony which makes it quite funny. It reflects a system that demands maternal perfection while celebrating even the minimal effort from fathers. I have friendships out there with women who carry an invisible backpack full of guilt, social demands, and impossible self-expectations.

And if we add to this the "Instagram maternities"—those idyllic and unattainable representations where children always smile, mothers never lose patience, and houses look like they're taken from a decoration magazine—the result is an unbearable pressure that no one should have to endure.

In 2023, something extremely interesting happened: Claudia Goldin received the Nobel Prize in Economics for her research on women in the labor market. Her findings confirm what many of us intuited: the wage gap between men and women is fundamentally explained by motherhood.

At the beginning of their careers, men and women tend to earn similar amounts; one could say they start the race from the same starting point. However, when women have children, their income decreases and afterward doesn't grow at the same rate as that of men, even when they have the same education and perform the same job.

This "motherhood penalty" is not just economic. According to a World Economic Forum report, women are working harder and experiencing higher levels of burnout than men. The invisible work they perform—from managing family logistics to the mental load of remembering who needs what and when—is rarely recognized or valued.

Goldin also points out that in many professional fields, employees are expected to be continuously available and flexible to meet their employers' changing demands. As women often take on more responsibility in caring for their children, their careers don't advance as quickly as men's in terms of income and job description.

This is where I dare to reflect with my philosophy of "Never give a hundred percent" as it takes on a special dimension. It's not about not making an effort or settling for less. It's about recognizing that it's impossible and unhealthy to give everything on all fronts simultaneously. It's about strategically distributing our energy, setting healthy boundaries, and understanding that some things can wait.

The "invisible work" is precisely that: invisible. Nobody sees it, but it consumes time, mental and emotional energy. According to research cited by Harvard Business Review:

Women take on more work related to employee well-being They are more likely to provide emotional support to colleagues They dedicate more time to diversity, equity, and inclusion activities

This work, although essential for any organization or family, is rarely formally recognized, adequately compensated, and frequently not taken into account for promotions or salary increases.

On this Mother's Day, I want to offer you a reminder: motherhood is a powerful and transformative aspect of life, but it is not the totality of who you are. You were a complex, interesting, and valuable person before having children, and you still are now.

To my mom friends: I see your effort, I admire your dedication, and I recognize the invisible work you do every day. I also see the woman behind the title of "mom"—with her dreams, her professional ambitions, her personal needs.

For those who, like me, observe from the shore: we have an important role. We can be that safe space where the women we appreciate can, for a moment, simply be, without expectations, without judgments, without having to give a hundred percent to anyone but themselves, where they remember who they are, beyond motherhood. We can help make invisible work visible and advocate for labor systems that don't penalize motherhood.

Motherhood demands a lot, work demands a lot, life demands a lot. Trying to give everything in all areas is the most direct path to exhaustion.

Perhaps true wisdom lies in understanding that we can give a hundred percent... but redistributed over time and among different aspects of our lives. Some days, most of our energy will go to our children. Other days, to work. And some days—hopefully many—to ourselves.

It's not about doing less, but about consciously choosing where we put our energy. It's not about giving up any dream, but about being realistic about timing and rhythms.

And above all, it's about being kind to ourselves in the process.

---

References:

Svanholm, K. (2024, May 14). Nobel Prize lessons - Women in the labour market - NobelPrize.org. NobelPrize.org. https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel-prize-lessons-economic-sciences-2023/#:~:text=The%202023%20prize%20in%20economic,video%20and%20a%20student%20assignment.

Women are burning out doing invisible “office housework.” (2025, March 14). World Economic Forum. https://www.weforum.org/stories/2021/11/women-workplace-2021-invisible-labour/

Cooper, M. (2021, October 13). Research: Women leaders took on even more invisible work during the pandemic. Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2021/10/research-women-took-on-even-more-invisible-work-during-the-pandemic