The gift of failure
The inspiration for this article, essay, nice thought, arose while I was watching one of my favorite "reality shows" in which they mentioned a phrase and concept that left me frozen:
"The Gift of Failure"
Well, it didn't leave me cold because it's very hot here, but it did make an impression on me.
"I like to think that all the successes in my life are really the fruits of my failures. It is through these challenges and mistakes that we learn to become the people we are meant to be"
Stop believing that I have to do everything right on the first try and that I should not make mistakes, has been the most difficult behavior for me to adopt in my daily life, because my operating system is not wired to work like this, at some point In my life story I adopted an irrational belief that constantly told me that the worst thing I could do in any situation was to be wrong.
Albert Ellis, known as one of the most prominent psychotherapists in psychology, established the foundation for the investigation, identification and treatment of those limiting and radical ideas that prevent us from experiencing a stable life by creating rational emotive behavior therapy,
Ellis, was able to distinguish 11 irrational beliefs or statements that affect our feelings, which I am going to list a few in their simplest expression:
We must be liked by all people and be approved of by them.
I must achieve any goal to be considered a capable and valuable person.
Thinking that people should be harshly punished for their mistakes applies to others and to oneself.
The pursuit of perfection is an extremely limiting belief, and if there's one thing we know about extremes, it's that they're bad.
It could even be perceived that perfectionism is associated with a series of mental health disorders, from depression and burnout to stress and anxiety, however it is important to clarify that having a perfectionist attitude in one's own performance doesn't predict burnout, but being afraid of making mistakes is an indicator.
We hear and see content about resilience, bouncing back, never giving up, and trying again, but not every society in history has been as insistent on striving for perfection as the one we live in today. However, it should be noted that it was in Ancient Greece, where the possibility arose that one could be very good at something and yet, contrary to all diagnosis, be wrong.
To support this idea, the ancient Greeks developed the art of tragic drama. At the festivals, all citizens were invited to witness gruesome, traumatic stories of failure: people who had committed a crime or made a bad decision only to suffer immediate and disproportionate punishment. However, the story released the tragic protagonists from responsibility and attributed its pitiful outcome to "fate" or the will of the "gods", so the audience left the theater sympathetic to the victims and fearful of themselves and their fate if they were to "offend" the benevolence of the gods.
Currently, if someone fails, society concludes that that person was simply not "good enough" and beyond clarifying doubts about the concept, it diverts us from one of the realities of this world, which is inequality. So in response to the next time someone judges the failure of others, the phrase of the Colombian feminist Ita María proposes the following:
May privilege not cloud your empathy.
I have told you in other pieces the following premises:
We are more than our work.
We do not see things as they are, but as we are.
We judge ourselves by what we do, not by who we are.
We are more than our failures, but we are also more than our triumphs. If my plans do not turn out as I expected, the value of my human existence is not at stake because of having failed.
If there is something that I learned in my therapy process, it is that firstly, I have to subtract from fear and secondly, that I have to add what I have learned when I make a mistake, because that means that today I know more than yesterday.
Today I see with less shame those mistakes I made in the past, those neglects of my own health, those bad decisions to overcome work before family and social events, those toxic thoughts of self-hatred that stressed me and I am sure that I don't want to be in that position again.
This article was translated by @ross.gspr
Disclaimer: The views expressed are personal opinions of the authors and do not reflect the views of affiliated organizations. The information is for informational purposes only and not intended as professional advice
The Economist. (2022, July 28). Why it’s OK not to be perfect at work. https://www.economist.com/business/2022/07/28/why-its-ok-not-to-be-perfect-at-work?fbclid=IwAR0mNYFjenWyVce3YbsMs1uven7MLIM4dly6zRvj43kyraLCCpd8431gNV4
The School of Life. (2016, March 16). On Professional Failure. https://www.theschooloflife.com/article/on-professional-failure/
